198 Shakespeare St., San Francisco

August 1996

Listen, Em, as far as I’m concerned, the message you were trying to convey was very clear. I’m not an idiot, I quite well know what you were going to say before you felt you had to say it. So unless there is any doubt or ambiguity in yourself as to the message you were trying to convey, I assure you that there is no need for you to feel that you have to clarify anything.

(And what was the message I was trying to clarify?)

You felt that our friendship was developing too fast, you may have felt that I was becoming “interested” in you, and that was simply not what you wanted. That’s fine. As a result, we understand that we will be seeing much less of each other. I, on my hand, accommodating character as I may be, am more than willing to oblige. I’m not here to bring conflict upon you, and it’s just as well and as easy for me to walk away from you, Cat, or anyone.

***********************************

I walked away from the one person I can say to have loved in any enduring manner. I don’t think that is such a bad thing. I think it drove home the first lesson that was ever introduced to me: to not be fooled by appearances. Amina was an appearance. The love was not. The point of relevance here is that if I can walk away from Amina, I can walk away from anyone; especially at the request of the person I’m walking away from.

My friendships with both Cat and Emily are finished. It seems like the simultaneous demise of both friendships indicates that there was a connection between the two. I don’t think so. They were separate. Cat and I stopped being friends before I left for New Jersey, and Emily immediately after. If either hadn’t happened, it was entirely possible that my friendship with the other may have continued.

When I was going out with Shiho, Amina became nothing. But once Shiho was out, it became apparent, that all things equal, Amina is the one I love first, and the one I love most. The immediacy of Shiho simply distracted from the fact. Cat’s friendship outlived Nobuko, but I never stopped thinking that Nobuko was special. Cat didn’t sink in as much as Nobuko, and in the end, Nobuko was much more valuable to me than Cat ever was. What was special about Nobuko didn’t disappear once we stopped being friends.

I don’t feel sorry at all that Cat is gone, I don’t regret it. Cat kept her distance well enough and offended me enough times so that I don’t feel anything about our friendship ending. Nobuko, I really enjoyed and loved her company. Emily really was nothing and is hardly worth this mention.

Series IV, Roll 1 (Pentax K2, Tri-X): Fort Funston.

I love this series of this family at the beach at Fort Funston. They just look so happy. Shot from atop Fort Funston, and then down on the beach. All telephoto lens.


Frame 13 - you can see their shoes on the sand.


Frame 14


Frame 15


Frame 18


Frame 20 - not sure what that dark line is on the right side of all these shots. Don't think it was the camera. Maybe the film, maybe the processing.

Full Moonrise Over Bayview-Hunters Point

Series IV, Roll 1, Frame 12 (Pentax K2, Tri-X) - This is where our rehearsal studio was off 3rd St. in Bayview-Hunters Point.

Foggy Day at the Beach

Series IV, Roll 1, Frame 7, 8 (Pentax K2, Tri-X): Ocean Beach



Frame 9, sun trying to break through the fog:

Ballet Studio

Series IV, Roll 1, Frame 4 (Pentax K2, Tri-X) - San Francisco, I forget where exactly. Probably around the Civic Center/Tenderloin area.

New York

Series III, Roll 7 (Pentax K2, Tri-X):


Frame 22 - 181st Street Subway station. I shot this because one of my college essays was inspired by this escalator back in 1986. It was a metaphor, and the story was a night in New York with Olga, the only student in our high school from New York City, who lived in Washington Heights.

New Jersey Photostroll:

Series III, Roll 7 (Pentax K2, Tri-X):


Frame 8 - I thought that this roll was shot with the Fujica, but there's no way the Fujica, with its fixed 50mm lens, could've taken this. This is telephoto. World Trade Center incredibly clear, even some 8 miles upstream.


Frame 16 - Englewood Cliffs Upper School. I don't remember taking this shot of my old grade school (grades 5-8). I was probably on my way home from the photostroll, and passing through the school grounds as I often do, probably shot this through a door window.

New York

Series III, Roll 6 (Fujica ST605n, Tri-X):


Frame 24 - Subway, 42nd Street. I think this was the first time I noticed they had built a tunnel connecting the 8th Avenue lines with the IRT at 42nd Street. Before then, it was a pain in the ass figuring out how to transfer from one line to the other without exiting the station and paying a second fare.

George Washington Bridge at sunset:


Frame 30

Series III, Roll 6 (Fujica ST605n, Tri-X):

Flying to New Jersey:

Frame 2