1557 Noe St., San Francisco

I knew that the high wouldn’t last. Everything was looking a little too perfect for a while. A new life, a new course, getting back in touch with old friends and stuff.

I’ve been getting back in touch with people this year. I got back in touch with Frances. I got back in touch with Vikki, and I’m regretting that already after one meeting. She can’t possibly be a positive element in my life. And on top of all that, Anita has been pissing me off and not returning messages and I’m at the point of letting go of that contact. People have been the biggest disappointment.

198 Shakespeare St., San Francisco

I was able to go back into Josephine’s room for the first time since last May and the memories of Josephine screamed out their ghosts. Josephine was a very bad chapter in my life, all those fights. It’s too bad she never learned what a vivid impression violence makes. The sound of doors slamming or objects being thrown and broken; she never realized that those memories are deeply etched scars. She always thought that I should be able to just forget and let those things go. I’m glad she’s out of my life and should endeavor to get over her as soon as possible.

198 Shakespeare St., San Francisco

I bought a new bass on Monday! A Spector NS-2000. So far I’m not completely sold on it, even though I bought it. I haven’t gotten a chance to take it into the studio yet. It is visually more aesthetically pleasing than the Riverhead, which is freakish. It balances great and feels great. The neck is slower than the Riverhead, and it’s heavier. The most important thing will be the sound. If it’s anywhere near comparable to the Riverhead, which so far I’m not convinced it will be, then it might become my main bass. Which would be too bad since I’m rather attached to the Riverhead.

198 Shakespeare St., San Francisco

I got back in touch with Frances. It was all positive, all good memories, lots of old love. We’ve grown and matured. I’m glad I did it. I just got the urge to contact her and so I searched for her on the web, then dug out my old address books for her last known number and tracked her down. It was such a good feeling to talk to her; just someone from the past. We used to be really good friends and we shared lots of quality time. But then with her personal life there was always something detached and untouchable. I never understood her obsessions with people who treated her like shit and who I couldn’t stand. She casually mentioned Amina which indicated to me that she is unaware of how sensitive a topic that is. To my surprise I responded to her name bitterly. There really is no basis for my fixation on Amina.

198 Shakespeare St., San Francisco

The Breakup: It has only been three weeks, I can’t expect myself to recover in that short a period. It’s still painful and my heart breaks every time I think of Josephine. There’s a nice balance between these journal entries and my actual memories of her. These journal entries chronicle our problems, but my memories of her are mostly fond ones.

I responded to an email and re-iterated my conviction that we stay away from each other. She responded saying that only then did she realize that we were finished. Once again I felt my heart shatter. But I guess that proves that the Relationship couldn't go on. For me, we broke up when she called to say goodbye forever. I heard “forever” and attached immediate meaning to it. She thought she could heap such abuse on me and we'd still get back together in a few days.

The Band: I like Fiction. They are good people. There’s a lot of sincerity and talent in the group. We play together fine, but I feel something missing. Sounding together isn’t enough to establish a groove. It’s fine that we’re playing together, but eventually something needs to be done to tighten it up.

The Apartment: I’m finally moving out of here. My current housemate got a flat in San Francisco with another woman named Rosalie and she asked me to fill the third room. I have no idea what the near future holds, but that’s OK. I’m hoping this will be a settling move. I want to move in with the feeling that this is my home, I’m settling there. I’m buying furniture and making the space comfortable for me and make me think that this is where I’m staying, I want to make it a place where I’m staying. I’ve never done that before. I’ve always assumed that I’d be moving on eventually. And this move to Noe Valley may not be permanent, but moving in, I want to treat it like a permanent move.