1557 Noe St., San Francisco

If my thoughts are filled with worldly concerns, that makes me a worldly person.

I'm getting sucked into worldly concerns. I stress about work and get angry and frustrated. That's no good. I get frustrated about the band and my inability to find another gig. That's no good. I'm starting to want to be in a relationship but there's no way that's going to happen. That's no good. I'm not particularly happy with my living situation. That's no good. I missed the Bay to Breakers today for the second time in the seven years I've been in the Bay Area and that does mean something, and that is no good.

This isn't how I want to be living my life. This is not the person I want to be. I need to let go and remember the important things. I need to focus on the nature of reality. I need to be prepared to leave at any moment. This isn't my life, this isn't me. Escape hatch.

1557 Noe St., San Francisco

So what's it all about? A little over a month ago I was ready to go into the red financially because of a drumset. A month later I am comfortably nowhere near going into the red. I go to work in my cube everyday and then some. The highlight of my life is making money. For what?

I've been going to happy hours and getting drunk with Ritu. Why do I have to keep convincing myself that my life is over, when it's so obvious. What else is there? I already know that there is no more. But I keep living and I resent it and I deal with it the only way I know how, by constantly reminding myself that someday I’m going to simply kill myself.