40 Locust St., Oberlin OH

I’m spending the summer alone in an off-campus house in Oberlin. I have a drum set, my synthesizer, my bass, my Ovation, my 4-track and accessories. The project is to get all my songs on tape as a final testament to my existence.

I don’t want much at this point. Personal honor has come up as an issue in me. Or at least it feels like honor. I feel like I’ve been living in disgrace and so much of my past makes me wince. I hate everything I was before and everything I’ve done, I want nothing to do with it. If I drove off a cliff four years ago, that would have been an honorable existence. Living in this ugly world poisoned by pride, self-seeking ego and corruption and apathy is a disgrace.

There are no absolutes. One event. Everyone has an explanation, everyone thinks they’re right. Psychologists interpret it one way and believe their belief is fact. Philosophers interpret it one way and see it under that light. Religious people explain it another way, a mystic, doctor, judge, whatever. One thing and so many right explanations, who is to say someone else is wrong? Everything breaks down to the individual and who is to say we live in a single world? We only live on the same planet, but worlds don’t coincide so easily. I need to reach a peace of mind about my world and my interpretation of reality and it has nothing to do with anyone else’s. I want to be released from this torture.