Osaka, Japan

Approaching another autumn. My thoughts stretch back to a year ago, back to Oberlin. I remember the warmth of that semester when I think about Lisa's birthday, almost exactly a year ago, when Christine and I got her a puppy. I remember how we picked her up at a local farm and how small and cute she was. She got sick in the car and she was so weak and disoriented. After we got back to Oberlin, I took care of the puppy outside of Third World House, but everyone passing by helped out. The weather was so warm. Frances was living in the dorm, I had met Luyen and we were having fun in our acquaintance, Hiromi and I had our intimate coffee. My room was so comfortable. It was my best academic semester at Oberlin as well.

Then there was the cold of November. I remember kicking out my window when Luyen was messing things up between Hiromi and me. I remember looking out that broken window into the early evening sky, melancholy and darkening. Lights of windows glowing sad at the shortened days. The air cold and still, the sounds sparking memories from far away. Hiromi and Luyen are the coldest memories, drinking too much, and lying out in the snow covered golf course near the cemetery late at night hoping to freeze, already freezing.



I can take any single memory from that semester and be really disgusted at it in one moment, and in another be really nostalgic about it. The occurrences of the events are fact, but they have such extreme feelings attached to them that how I remember them are dependent upon how I feel now. So what of my memories is real?, surely not my feelings about them. And what of my feelings about my now?

I’m leaving for Taiwan in two days, and then classes start soon after I get back. The weekend after I get back I’m going to Tokyo to visit Shiho and Mark Holdaway. It all starts to come together. I won’t actively do anything about Shiho. She still is seeing someone and that’s good enough of a reason to lay off and watch what happens. I’ll wait and see what vibes I get when I visit her. I can’t wait to see her again.