January was a bad rehearsal month. We missed a bunch of rehearsals, at one point not playing as a full band for two weeks. So when it looked like it was happening again this month, I was getting seriously frustrated. With two months in a row, I start wondering if this is going to be the pattern.
Not that the reasons for not having full rehearsals were bad, Josh got a lung infection as a reaction to quitting smoking, and Lisa left town to visit her girlfriend in Vermont. It was just the situation I was whining about, mostly to Chris. Missing rehearsals was really hard on me because it doesn’t allow me to get comfortable playing with them and familiar with their styles. It prevents the material from sinking in and postpones my readiness to play out. It certainly doesn’t help my confidence about how I’m playing.
Overall, it just feels like the band isn’t doing anything or going anywhere. Chris and I went to see a bunch of bands last weekend and it was pretty depressing seeing bands that were really tight and who obviously were putting more than 100% into it. We’re not even close to that. We still kick ass, but that’s not the point. If we easily could be better, then it sucks if we aren’t.
We had our rehearsal tonight, and unlike the rehearsal after the two week hiatus last month, it was good. There were lots of mistakes, but the energy was pretty electric. Josh and Chris were on fire and Lisa sounded great. It totally boosted my spirits. The energy was there, the talent is there, but on the other hand, we were also sloppy and we didn’t feel like a band that has been playing a lot, there wasn’t that connection. We weren’t as tight as we could be and we didn’t groove as tightly as we need to.
I need to learn from this situation and frustration. I have to keep looking hard at how I’m feeling and keeping perspective in light of all of the signs I’ve been figuring out in the past few months. Things to keep in mind: I’m the new member in the band, I don’t “demand” anything. I’m committed to this band as a member and as a part of my life. Their significance in my life is not strictly professional, they mean something to me, they are my friends and support group and I care about them.
Patience is a necessity, but I also have to watch how I’m interacting with them and make sure I don’t overstep my bounds while not keeping my feelings repressed. Like when I’m frustrated, there are things I shouldn’t do and things I should. I shouldn’t be passive-aggressive and be pissy at rehearsals. I should tell them my needs and gauge them so that they are acceptable. So if I’m getting frustrated at the amount of time we’re spending on covers or writing new songs, I need to realize that they need to be working on new stuff and that they’ve been doing this material for several years now. I need to go along with whatever new things they want to do, but ask them to go through a set list at every rehearsal. Tonight we went through a tentative set list for a gig next month, so that was taken care of.
I spoke with Angie Chen today. I haven’t talked to her in fifteen years. She stayed with Rob and Lizzie in Philly last week and got my number from them. I barely knew her in high school. I was a first year and she was in Rob and Lizzie’s class but dropped out. Which is why I thought she was in Tom’s class. I knew her from Jazz/Rock; she sang ‘She’s Not There’, ‘Let It Be’, and she played a song she wrote which I thought was so totally cool.
It was great talking to her. I think we have a lot in common and a lot to talk about. We could have been friends had we been closer in age, but fortunately we weren’t because if we were friends in high school, we wouldn’t be friends now. Not even Shiho has lasted until now. Shiho gave a ten year run for her money. And as unstable as both Angie and I were, there’s no way that we could have remained friends.
