My life is falling out of control. I don’t know what I’m still doing here and I can’t stand being here. I want to give the band a chance, but how smart is that? How realistic is that? Music is not necessarily something to live for. It’s stupid.
If I’m going to kill myself sooner or later, what does it matter if music goes anywhere or not? Music is just an excuse to keep going, and if things go somewhere...I won’t kill myself? How stupid is that. That’s not what I want to live my life for. All that matters is that if I’m going to kill myself anyway, then it makes no difference whether I do it sooner or later.
I’ve totally lost the path I was on. My life use to be a journey; an exploration, a search and discovery; it used to mean something. Now it is just living day to day to the next paycheck doing something I really don’t care about.
