The utter contradiction.
Fooling myself into thinking I’m planning to end my life at 34 and still living life now like I’m not.
How much longer can I do this? I’m bored with this existence. I’m tired of this existence. I don’t see the point in this existence. I’ve been here so long feeling this same way. When am I going to do something about it?
Even if it is still more than a year away, why isn’t there any sense of conclusion. Of closure. Am I still discovering anything? Am I still discovering anything that is important?
How do I conclude? How do I close? How do I wrap up everything that I’ve lived, done, been, believed? How do I leave and leave my essence somewhere here in this physical reality that I know is a sliver of the Real. Did Ritu leave a mark? Did she leave her essence somewhere, or with someone, in someone. Did Ritu leave some legacy? Do we all have to leave some legacy?
