Oberlin, OH

I’m sick. I told myself that if I couldn’t get these papers done by Friday, I would go talk with the professor and tell him that I really, really, simply just can’t do the papers. But then my efforts were scuttled by my body trying to sabotage my efforts. But I ain’t giving up yet, I’m going to put a noble effort into this. I got asthma pretty bad on Thursday and Friday, whenever I was able to get out and move about, I thought I would collapse or whatever.

I went to a Steel Drum Ensemble rehearsal because I was feeling a bit better and it really rocked. Our show is going to be on Friday at the Cat in the Cream and I feel pretty good about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve really performed in a group, and playing in a group is SO much more fun than playing alone.

The ‘rents are back from a trip to China. They called and it was barely bearable, they’re still talking out of two sides of their faces, they can’t be thinking I’m buying it. They just can’t. They sent money a few days ago, along with, for the first time, a LETTER! I couldn’t even read it, I read the first line of each paragraph to get the gist and then chucked it. It was too weird having them trying to communicate like that after all this time. If they ever wanted to communicate, they should have started a long time ago and it’s way too late now.

We’ve never talked or anything. Anything said between us has been for practical communication or small talk, never discussion for the sake of discussion and I think it’s bullshit if they think things can change just because they all of a sudden decide to. I couldn’t get used to it and since they established it, I don’t see any reason why I should let anything change. I’m used to non-communication and I like it that way.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago. A bunch of people I knew were playing team hide and seek in the cemetery. I was on the hiding team and I couldn’t be caught. I was being chased at the time I woke up, but I couldn’t be caught. The following day I dreamed a cat had gotten into my room and woke me up by sitting on my chest. I was afraid it was going to scratch me even though I love cats, and I had difficulty kicking it out since I’m allergic to cats. I got it outside of the room but it made moves to get back in and I woke up just as I was slamming the door on it. I think they’re both death dreams. There was something morbid and dark about the cat and that’s why I was uncharacteristically afraid of it. But I don’t see my death happening before two years from now, so I don’t know why I’m having dreams about it now.