We get together pretty often and I’ve been meeting her friends and hanging out with them in restaurants and coffeeshops. One of the first of her friends I met was Sakura, who is a friend from high school and she wanted to introduce us since Sakura does music and writes songs. She wants to get a band together so this might be a really, really good thing. When I first met her, the vibes weren’t too good. She seemed to be copping a lot of attitude and I wasn’t impressed, but I shouldn’t be so judgmental. She’s Madoka’s friend and that’s good enough for me.
Madoka has been volunteering for a matsuri at Kitano shrine in Kobe. The matsuri is today and tomorrow and proceeds from it go to international aid in Southeast Asia. Last week, on the day that she introduced Sakura and me, she also got us to sign up to perform at the matsuri, so this past week we’ve been getting together a lot to rehearse a few songs.
Last night, we were able to have a live run-through of the three songs we’ve prepared at a bar somewhere in Osaka proper. Well, Juso is Osaka proper, but I consider "Osaka proper" on the other side of the Yodogawa. Juso to the rest of Osaka across the river feels too much like what Fort Lee was to New York across the Hudson River. Sakura knew some people in a band and they said it would be fine for us to have a spot.
The bar was called “The Tramps” and it was a tiny little dive with a tiny corner cleared out to act as a “stage”. The design and decor emulated Western bars and apparently the clientele is primarily white guys with Japanese women. It figures. The “band” that Sakura knew were whities as well. Their bassist didn’t show because he was in Kyoto and thought the gig was next week, so they let me join in on the last two songs. No big deal.
So the plan last night was that Madoka, who is singing backing vocals, and Sakura would stay over at my place and then today we would all head over to Kitano shrine to play at the matsuri. We left the bar pretty late, and I don’t know what we were thinking, but we decided that we could just walk to the Yodogawa and Umeda station because we had only gone two stops on the JR loop-line from Umeda. So the river couldn’t have been too far away, right?
We ended up wandering for about two hours, lugging our instruments and just talking about whatever. The streets were fairly empty at that time of night and it was very peaceful and serene and it felt very safe. It was pleasant until we finally decided it was about time we knew where we were. We stopped at a 24 hour convenience store and got directions to the Yodogawa. We had been walking parallel to the Yodogawa. When we reached it, I recognized buildings way downstream and we decided to take a taxi from there to Juso. Smart move.
We got to sleep at 4:45 and woke up at 7:30 to go to the matsuri. Madoka had to be there early since she was working it. The matsuri was a bazaar type event and the shrine had a small central pavilion that was used as a stage. We hung out all day and playing there was much better than at the bar. Madoka had some other friends there and Hiromi showed up as well. I got in touch with Hiromi because Madoka had her number.
It’s too bad these activities are not things I can tell auntie about to let her know I’m not just sitting on my butt. But then I don’t think she’d be at all impressed at what I’m doing. It’s also bad because I’m only hanging around English speaking people and that’s not helping my Japanese.
I noticed something while walking around Juso, keenly aware of being an exile in disguise. I felt tense, uncomfortable, self-destructive. I wanted to hurt. Then I thought about the presence that I’ve always felt hanging around me who has been so kind as to always lead me into learning situations. Coming to Japan couldn’t have been a wrong decision, a total mistake. So why feel like hurting?
I thought about what Diem said when we were once discussing the concept of angels. She said she felt presences in the forms of spirits sitting on either shoulder. One whispering in one ear to do bad things, the other whispering in her other ear to do good things. What she described was too far from what I was researching for me to take to heart, but now I find there is an interpretation to make it fit.
Her good and bad spirits are analogous to my presence guiding me around and my self-destructive psychology. One guiding, comforting and teaching me, one destroying me. I think they are the same thing as Diem’s spirits, but we image them differently and use different vocabulary to describe them.
Shiho called to tell me she’s coming to visit in late August. Tingle, tug. But she’s going out with someone and has gone out with people, and I’m certain she’s changed in the past six years, so . . . well, it’s really good to have a friend like her.
