What if I do get a job? What if I do find a way to live? To survive, to support myself. To survive? To support myself? Will I be satisfied? Will I be fulfilled? Will that accomplish what I want out of life? I don't want to just survive. There has to be more than life than squeezing out survival day by day.
Vikki is visiting the Bay Area and things are much better between us than they were at the end of my time at Oberlin. I've matured. I can handle relationships better. And I think ManAlive has helped make me look at my behavior and interactions with loved ones more carefully. But things aren't perfect. The emotional dynamics are still there, and I still think she makes life miserable for herself.
April is half over and I haven't taken any steps to look for a job. Things are pretty miserable in my life, too. I don't really care, though.
