It struck me again in all its reality that Shiho and I aren't meant to be. I love her with all my heart, I would love to be with her, but I'm not in this venture for the long haul. She mentioned that she would like to see herself like her grandmother in Hiroshima someday. I want to be dead by 40, at most. It just doesn't seem honest to say that I'm making a lifelong commitment to her, knowing that isn't much of a commitment.
Cruel fate to have fallen in love with her after so many years of separation and ambiguous feelings, and to look at our basic incompatible approaches to life. I'm looking at a huge brick wall. I make no long-term commitment. I give this relationship to about the end of the year.
