A better day. I think the problem with my mood has a lot to do with the weather and work. All day I’m in a corner cube that I like because of the privacy, but I get no sun during the day. When I get off work, the sun is already gone and that may be the cause of the feeling of emptiness when I get out. At least when I’m working, I’m productive. I’m doing something. When I stop working, I just don’t feel like doing anything.
I’ve gotten some of my perspective back and that helped a lot this evening. I can’t let myself get sucked into life. I can’t get confused about the difference between life and existence. Life, I don’t know what that is. Existence is what all appearances are. Everyone may be living, but to me they are just existing. My surroundings are not real, they are just pictures, images. Physical reality is just as intangible as thoughts.
If I remember what I’m doing here, I’ll be alright. If I remember that I’m just here to observe and question reality and investigate the fabric that makes it up, I’ll be alright emotionally. Emotions are such an inconvenience.
