Cutting. My scars attach me to my past. I would be a completely different person if I didn't have these scars. The scars remind me of who I am at the core and the hurt that identifies me. The scars are the guarantee that I will kill myself. There are some things I will never forget, even if I can't quite put my finger on them, and they gently rest within the unnatural lines on my skin.
I would never have guessed that when I first started doing it, back when I was twelve or thirteen, that I was somehow writing an early end to my life. But back then, I would never have guessed that I would make it to 30. Back then, I started and then continued doing it under the assumption that I would kill myself soon. So I could have guessed that I was guaranteeing an early end to my life, but I never could have guessed entertaining the possibility that I wouldn't want to end my life anymore, except for these simple, but significant, constant reminders.
But I love my scars and I wouldn't want to get rid of them even if I could. They are part of my identity. I would be ordinary without them. There would be no proof of who I was before. Maybe that's why when the time came to stop the strife with the 'rents, it was so easy. Because I had a proof like no other about what had happened. What kind of childhood did I have? What kind of relationship did I have with my parents? I can just show my arms and legs. I didn't need to keep fighting the 'rents to prove that something was wrong, to maintain the identity of hate and resentment that they created.
