Things are really, really, really, really bad, but I just can't seem to put my finger on what or why. Everything in my life is in shambles but I just can't seem to realize it to the point where I can feel it. Like I mentioned before, I don't really cut myself anymore. They're basically just scratches, they don't go deep enough to warrant being called cuts.
But the other day I was just playing with my knife, assessing how dull the blade was since I couldn't get anything more than scratches, and then whoops, a cut. It wasn't too bad, but it warranted putting something on it to block the bleeding. When I pulled the bandage off the next day, it was still bleeding but stopped soon after. It's not just a scratch, a mere line, but it's a cut because the skin split and has that vagina shape to it.
Maybe it wasn't a 'whoops'; an accident. But an expression that all is not well. And all is not well, everything is very precarious. I don't like my life, it has no prospects, I need to leave. I need to breakthrough to something else.
