What am I here to know?
From my experience, seeds of learning get planted at one point, and then traveling through the timeline of life, I reach another point where an experience helps the learnings germinate and grow. Other seeds don't have a catalyzing experience and they never develop significance.
Sometimes we're lucky enough to have an opportunity to have another experience that lets us see the original seeds; the source of the learning, because usually when we have an experience we learn from, we don't remember the source of the learning, why a particular experience has significance to learn from it. A lot of the seeds may be from early childhood or previous lives. This is just from my own experience.
I learned this from the PBS "Cosmos" series by Carl Sagan. That was just the metaphor for the learning. I had watched the series a long time ago. Subsequently through the years I learned stuff. And then I watched the series again and realized that the seeds for a lot of what I learned was sourced in the ideas from Cosmos.
I think I'm here to learn to not be affected or saddened by what I know are just appearances. Amina made it really difficult, but it was all just appearances. I can forgive it, I can let it go. I can try to love her despite my instinct to hate her. I know full well that deep down I do love her. What she did was shitty, I hate what she did, but someday I may learn to not even hate that. She is not characterized by just one of her actions.
Just appearances. A woman called Amina. A person called Amina. I will never get back together with Amina, I may never let her back into my life again. It's all appearances, what matters is what is not seen. Our souls and spirits. They transcend these bodies and this lifetime. If the magnetism between us, the gravity that attracted us into each others lives is what is real, then we will meet each other again. We may not remember this, but it will happen.
Our time together in this life. It was just a scratch on the surface. We only spent a minuscule amount of time with each other in this lifetime. It has been shattered. And in that time, I loved her so deeply.
Her name is vile in my mouth now. "Amina" is just an appearance. Remove the name, remember the heart, the images, the impact. Not the actions. I learned from her and if what we touched in each other transcends lifetimes, then there will always be other lifetimes. This lifetime is insignificant, just appearances. Just one time out of countless times we have met, known, and loved each other. This lifetime is pain, what has happened in this lifetime is what was meant to happen in this lifetime.
