If only I will be able to remember this day and be able to always come back to it and remember why things ended up the way they did. I have no faith in this relationship. I have so little faith in the relationship that I don’t even have faith that it’s over, when it is, in fact, over and has been for quite some time.
Even if I could write down a bottom line about why this relationship should be over, in a week, two weeks, who knows, I will just read over it, ignore it, justify it, amend it, clarify it. What’s the use? What are the things I should be remembering? Do the times of love outweigh the times of hate? Tonight we had them both, and there’s no denying it, times of hate ruled the day. Time of hate outweighed the time of love hands down.
What can I say about the fight we had that will make me remember it? And I certainly do want to remember it, because if I don’t remember it, etch it into my memory with every thought I have of her, any future contact doomed to failure, then we will certainly just repeat it. “I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day”. How many more days will end with me saying that to myself.
Maybe all I need to remember is her final, “Can you go home now,” after I had been trying so hard to stay. It was so easy. I was out of there like a slingshot without a hesitant step back.
