This nagging feeling that I have to assess my entire life every time I start writing in here...that's what ordinary life is. Life merrily rolls along. Nothing is happening, nothing indicating that I should be doing something, that I am doing something, or should be here at all. Insignificant day moves into insignificant day. It's not life to me. I work now, I'm self-sufficient, I have no goals, no where my life is headed, and no desire for such direction.
It's ordinary life, and ordinary life is about assessing it's value at every moment or so. Ordinary life is about filling empty spaces. Deciding what to do next, wondering what is going on now and where this is headed, when all the while just floating through it and letting time take us through each day like a leaf on a stream.
After all this time, I finally realized when to end my life. It will be spontaneous. If there is any planning involved, it's not the end of my life. My life will end when I can let everything fall away and there are no thoughts of planning or circumstances or results. It will just happen with no fanfare, no drama, just as fact, simple as breathing, and I think that's as much enlightenment or clarity as I'll get in this lifetime. My life will end when I reach that moment and let go and go through with it. My life will end when I am free of attachments.
Truth to tell, ordinary life is really, really boring.
