Well. The feeling is completely gone, but I still know I can do it any day now and have no reason not to. It shouldn’t depend on feeling anyway, that’s not the point. What feeling? Depressed? Suicidal? Those are exactly the wrong times for me to do it. So it may happen soon, it may not.
It crossed my mind to wait for a failure. If I miss the deadline for handing in a paper, then that’s the time to do it. But that’s all wrong, too. That would be killing myself because I couldn’t get my papers done and the resulting feeling. It needs to be spontaneous and not contingent upon something material. Besides, in the moment of stress of having a paper due, who knows how I’ll feel or how I’ll act. Judgment is much too impaired. Bad idea.
