Looking at new stages in life and growing up and older and the meaning of it all. Maturity inevitably comes and world views change. In many ways, Kurt Cobain is to be envied by those of us who don’t subscribe to the inevitable maturation which is synonymous with conformity.
To me, “conformity” is even worse. It means accepting the normative matrix of the material world around me. It is not just learning to go with the flow and entering the cycles of regular human lives, it means throwing away my whole understanding of my place in the world.
It means changing from an observer, which I feel much more comfortable with, to being a participant, becoming insignificant in the bustle of human intercourse. No, I don’t want to live that long, no I don’t want to live a long life, no I don’t want to be a part of these nothing lives that don’t see past the surfaces of things.
It is so easy to get caught up in things and lose sight of what’s important to me. And not getting caught up into an average nothing life is important to me. Vacation is almost up. Bangkok is done, Geneva is done, New Jersey is done, time to work on Sompong’s final exam and finish up my thesis, plenty of research coming up in the next few months.
The only thing I have to look forward to is Josephine and our new relationship. Everything has been just fine since I got back from Bangkok, and better than any time before. It’s easing into a new comfort and confidence, and as distressing as it is to know that living together will be a major problem in the future, it’s nice to have a functional relationship.
