Kuk, Neng, An, Ja, Jiu, Poh, and Mam all went to the airport to see Josephine, Brenda, and Sui off, even though Brenda and Sui will be returning to Bangkok after their travels. It wasn't sad for Josephine and me, we knew it wouldn't be long until we saw each other again. But it was sad for Josephine and Kuk and Neng, since they won't be returning to the States and they don't know when they will see each other again.
After getting back to the hotel, I slept until 2:00 and then went to Chula to pick up some stuff for Josephine. It was really strange going there on my own. It was strange going anywhere on my own. The longest period of time Josephine and I stayed apart from each other in the last month was a little over 24 hours when we had that spat, and those 24 hours were so empty. Otherwise, the longest period of time we spent apart was maybe three hours. She's been constantly in my life. It was strange being solo today. Mixed feelings. It did feel free and the independence I'm so used to was refreshing, but I still felt that something was missing; that Josephine should have been there.
I'm still having moments of regret about not letting Josephine come with Madoka and me on our travels, but I think I made the right decision. The regret only stems from the separation and the loneliness of not being with her. Madoka and I aren't vacationing, refugee camps are serious shit. I don't think Josephine has it in her to visit one. The shock and hardship might move her and have an immense impact, but it would have been a risk taking her along. If she wasn't totally into it and willing to take on the hardships, I might be really disappointed in her. I respect what she is and I don't expect her to be a part of any world that I choose to enter. As long as she doesn't try and subsequently find herself incapable of adjusting. We need boundaries.
I wish we weren't separating for these 14 days. I still have to get used to the idea of Josephine being permanent in my life, and prepare myself for us to adjust to the real world in San Francisco.
